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Sunday, April 28, 2013
Hard to believe I’m down to the last two weeks of this pregnancy. In many ways, I was much better prepared for my firstborn—I slept a lot, ate healthier, exercised more often, and did a ton of reading and research. This time, I’m happy if I get a good nap when my toddler goes down in the afternoon.
There is, however, one way that I think I may be more ready this second time around. If you’re a first-time mom, people may have told you not to feel obligated to entertain family or friends—after all, you’re the one having a baby. I agree that it is wise to draw some boundaries as a new family. When I was pregnant with my firstborn and after she was born, however, I clung to that piece of advice and unwittingly began to believe that because I was the one going through the biggest change of my life, everyone else should be understanding and cater to my wishes.
Looking back, I now realize just how much people tried to be sensitive and caring, but I couldn’t see it then. I was too caught up in the little ways things didn’t go my way and frankly found myself wrestling with bitterness and resentment for quite some time. Part of it was the new mom in me feeling paranoid about everything; part of it was just plain self-centeredness.
Since that time, God has been dealing with this area of my life by confronting me with the awesome reality that He purchased me with His life. Yes, I’m a mom, and yes, it’s an all-consuming identity. But before I’m a mom, I am first and foremost a Christian—saved undeservedly by grace, redeemed from sin by the blood of Christ. Even when my hormones are completely out of whack, even when I’m exhausted, even when nothing is going my way, that same grace can still meet me there.
And so with this second pregnancy, I am ready to try again—to trust in the One who is in control when I am completely out of control and to embrace the grace that He first extended to me as His daughter and now as a mother.