Home | Be Informed | Balancing Motherhood from a Special Needs Perspective

Almost every night I hit my pillow dreaming that tomorrow I will cook my family a warm and colorful breakfast, send the kiddo off to school in a hip outfit, exercise, straighten my hair, and get work done. I imagine that, in the evening, we’ll sit down to a wonderful and picturesque homemade dinner, followed by a dessert to die for, and a nice stroll through the neighborhood with a glass of cool white wine in hand. My son will go to bed early, giving my husband and I enough time to chat, cuddle, watch t.v., play Sudoku, and slow dance. It’s a simple dream. A relaxing dream. Then…the alarm goes off, the dog is barking, and I am making sure my son gets his pee pee in the potty and eats at least three bites of cold cereal before rushing into the rest of the day… followed by eating leftover pizza for dinner, of course.

I don’t know what it is like to be the mother of a typically developing child. I wonder if mothers of typically developing children wonder what it is like to be the mother of a special needs child. It’s challenging, it’s demanding, it’s time-consuming. It’s life without a decent night’s sleep, without a babysitter, without time alone with your partner. It’s eye-opening, humbling, hopeful, and rewarding. It can also be… chaotic. Doctor appointments, therapy, doctor appointments, therapy, mean kids, mean parents, stares, progress, regress, school, doctor appointments, therapy, therapy, therapy, special diets, restless nights, therapy, and, “I thought I paid last month’s $3,000 therapy bill!”

With my mind racing between thoughts about my child’s progress in therapy and how to make the perfect blueberry coffee cake, I begin to realize that one of the more important focuses in my daily life ought to be balance. The first year leading to my child’s autism diagnosis, and the year that followed the diagnosis, were not balanced years for me. I had a hard time navigating through daily routines, and I had a harder time allowing myself time for… myself. But, now, I’m beginning to rediscover balance, and I forgot how awesome it can be.

I have two core recommendations that guide me, the mother of a special needs child, in leading a balanced lifestyle…

Organization:

I have a Type A personality, so organization sings to me like a Siren in the sea. But, let’s face it, being organized is good preparation and management, and it leads to less stress. I recommend keeping important documents and materials handy, and creating and maintaining organized binders.

First, I keep my child’s important documents (e.g., birth certificate, social security card) in a safe, but convenient place in my home. Also, I keep informative books that I frequently refer to, together on an accessible shelf.

Second, I have two binders that I keep up-to-date and ready-to-go. One binder contains a list of important telephone numbers (e.g., doctors, therapists, insurance, emergency contacts), diagnosis information (e.g., autism spectrum, asthma), dietary information (e.g., dietary reference intakes, vitamins), etc. This binder serves as a familial reference source. The other binder contains personal and specific information about my child: Health exams, immunization records, doctor consultations, doctor evaluations, therapy progress notes, school progress reports, IEP (Individualized Education Program) documents, etc. This binder serves as a documentation reference source, and is very useful for various appointments.

Personal Time:

I have the hardest time finding time for myself, and in the rare moments that I do, I tend to feel guilty about it. I am trying to overcome these guilty feelings though, and allow myself time to recoup and re-energize. This balancing act has been a slow process for me, but there are a few things that I am committing to and enjoying.

First, I am working out more. Going for an evening run alone, gives me time to listen to my inner voice, my favorite country music, or sometimes, nothing at all. Enjoying the calm of the night while increasing my heart rate and serotonin help reduce stress and lift my mood.

Second, a friend of mine proposed a babysitting swap. My husband and I never, ever, ever, get the chance to go on a date. It’s shockingly very difficult to find someone that is willing to babysit a special needs child. So, I was thrilled to hear my friend’s proposal. She is an amazing mother, and I absolutely trust her with my child. My husband and I had a great afternoon date eating Indian food and grabbing coffee. Unfortunately, my friend is moving across the country, but I am hoping to find another mother that is interested in a regular babysitting swap.

Third, I host a monthly Moms’ Night Out. Typically, the moms that come to the events are also moms of special needs kiddos. I enjoy spending time with these women because it cultivates friendships and reminds me that I am not alone in this journey.

Fourth, once a month a friend of mine and I go out. My friend has no connection to my life as a mother or the special needs community. She is a friend that I can eat sushi and drink margaritas with, talk about the latest episode of The Bachelor with, laugh with… I appreciate her for this.

So…what are your tips for balancing motherhood?

Site Recommendations:

The Early Childhood Initiative Foundation

Do2learn: Educational Resources for Special Needs: Daily Organizers

Fiddledee Ids: Emergency Medical Identification Card

Kristina is the mother of a fantastic special needs son. She is not a medical professional, and she does not offer medical advice. For medical advice, talk to your doctor. For more information regarding special needs and autism, visit Kristina’s blog, Live, Love, Laugh,and Autism.

Home | Be Informed | Balancing Motherhood from a Special Needs Perspective